Flying without a parachute

This is just a quick update on my previous post as I know that there are people out there who are interested in how I am. Thank to everyone who has expressed concern and offered support. It does mean a lot.

It was really hard to decide whether to have chemotherapy treatment or not. I read every report I could and discussed it endlessly with my husband. In the end though, the decision seemed easy. The additional benefit that I might get from chemo is so small compared to the side effects of the treatment that it really seemed easy to choose in the end.  If I have chemo therapy, it will improve my chances of the cancer not recurring by 2% which is an incredibly small amount especially when you consider that there will still be 1 in 10 chance that it will come back. So we decided to do without it and made a promise to each other that if I am unlucky enough to have it come back, then we will take the view that it would have come back anyway.

The decision still felt slightly scary though and I had a constant feeling that I was being reckless with my health in not taking up the offer of chemo. I still do on some days. However, it has been lovely knowing that I am not going to have undergo the trials of chemotherapy. I feel completely well although the partial reconstruction that I currently have often feels quite sore. That is very minor compared to how I might be feeling though.

So I am now determined to live the rest of the year to its fullest potential. I have another show to do in November which I am looking forward to immensely as well as a half term holiday booked in Portugal. Plus, of course, the challenge of getting my new class through their Sats and ready for secondary school as well as hopefully having some fun along the way.

Now this blog will return to my usual intermittent postings on things that occur to me.  I am going to try and keep it going more regularly though.

 

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The Big C ………so far

I haven’t posted anything this year due to my world coming crashing down last Christmas – or at least that’s what it felt like. I have kept a hand written diary which has helped to clarify my thoughts and feelings but not published anything until now.

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I found a lump in my left breast last December and since then I have been on the cancer treadmill. I spent the first morning of the Christmas holidays having all the tests done and then had to wait until the week after Christmas to find out the results although I was fairly sure that it would not be good news. Christmas was a difficult time as I didn’t want to say anything to anyone until I knew for certain. Telling people has been one of the most difficult parts of the whole thing. Cancer is such an emotive word.

The diagnosis was confirmed before New Year and so then onto scans. I had an MRI scan and a CT which both confirmed that the cancer hadn’t spread. It was a hormone fed tumour so I was also immediately treated with an oestrogen blocking drug. It seemed to be quite good news. I would take the drug for a few months to reduce the tumour and then have a lumpectomy which would be followed by a course of radiotherapy. I felt that I had got away quite lightly considering what I know some other people had gone through.

I spent the first few months of 2017 trying to get on with my life as normal while having regular check ups and ultra sounds to see how the tumour was responding to the tablets. I told my immediate family and SLT at school but very few other people as I didn’t want it to become a focus for who I was. As soon as people know that you have cancer, it immediately becomes more of an issue. People say ‘How are you?’ in a very meaningful way. It’s lovely that they are concerned but I didn’t want to have to keep talking about it so I kept it as quiet as possible.

My operation took place at the end of May, just before Summer Half Term. It seemed to go well and the breast wasn’t all that much smaller. Then we had to wait three weeks for the test results.

When they came back, the news wasn’t good. There were signs of pre-cancer changes in the tissue they analysed so my surgeon told me that I needed a mastectomy. That was a shock and it took a while for it to sink in. I had been all prepared for the in December but things seemed to have been going so well after that and I thought that the lumpectomy would be all I needed. The next operation date was already fixed and I had to decide very quickly whether I wanted reconstruction or not. I really felt as though as I was being rushed into making the decision. I decided to go with the reconstruction as it would be more difficult to get a good result if I changed my mind later on. I wasn’t totally sure if that was I wanted though. I found the idea of having something foreign implanted into my body quite unpleasant.

The second operation took place 4 weeks after the first and then there was more waiting for results. I have only managed to teach my class for 8 days during the final half term as I seemed to be continually recovering from operations. The mastectomy was a more difficult recovery due to having two drains inserted which meant that for two weeks, I had to carry two bottles and their connecting tubes around. I had an extremely unfashionable shoulder bag which went everywhere with me! I was so pleased when they were finally removed even though the removal was extremely painful.

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After three weeks, I had some results which still weren’t totally clear so a sample was sent away for oncotype DX testing which gives a prediction of how likely someone is to have a recurrence of cancer with and without chemo-therapy. I was praying for a good result. The idea of chemo quite frankly scares me.

We had the results back this week and again, they weren’t clear as to what I should do now. My score was 19 which is just into the intermediate range so it is not clear whether I should undergo chemo therapy or if the negative side effects will out weigh positive protection from a recurrence. So the decision is up to me. I have found this to be almost the worst part of the whole thing so far as there are no right answers and no-one can make the decision for me.

At the moment, the jury is still out.

Goodbye 2016

It’s that time again when all of the #nuture16/17 posts start appearing and I think back over what this year has brought.

I have to say that I won’t be sad to see the back of 2016. My beautiful tabby cat died of cancer in March, we were robbed while on holiday and health issues are rearing their ugly head at the moment. Which makes it even more important to look forward to things improving next year.

Going back over last year’s hopes and it’s been a mixed bag really.

1 Staying Positive
I actually think that I did quite a good job of this last year. My class were fun to teach and I managed to keep my job in perspective so that it didn’t take over my life. I did manage to take a photo on nearly every day during the year. I have stored them all on Flickr and they can all be found here

https://www.flickr.com/photos/138942551@N05/albums

2 Sats
Well, what can I say? A farce? Fiasco?  As a school we didn’t do too badly but I was incensed by the content and quantity of the reading paper which led to several of my children who read perfectly well ‘not meeting the expected standard’.
Another irritation was the seemingly widely held belief that schools who did better at writing than reading must have not moderated their pupils’ work correctly. Our school have always had better writing results than reading and this year was no different. We moderated thoroughly and were quite harsh in our judgements and it’s annoying to read other people say that your results must be wrong.

3 Holidays
Didn’t start off well this year as we were robbed in Barcelona in May which rather spoilt our return to Collioure. However, we did discover the beautiful area of Asturias in Spain and visited the incredible Playa des Cathedrais

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We also visited Majorca for the first time and went to see the Christmas lights in Kew Gardens which were beautiful.

4 Singing
Still singing and have had a fantastic year. The Full Monty wasn’t the most interesting show to rehearse as the women don’t have a huge amount to do but it was an amazing show to be in. The adrenalin kick at the end of the every performance was brilliant and really reminded me of how much I love to perform.

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Then in August and again in November we took part in The Scarlet Pimpernel and this was another amazing production. Such a fantastic cast and a lovely group of people. I was gutted when the run came to an end. Next year we have Guys and Dolls and Camelot to look forward to.

5 Reaching Out
I am still inspired on a daily basis by my Twitter network as well as my supportive friends in the PTRC network. You all keep me sane, amused and inspired and make my life so much better.

I always write way too much in these posts. If you are still here, well done for persevering this far. I will try to be briefer with the next half.

Reading Something Different

non-fiction

So far, my aim of reviving a love of reading in my class has only been partially successful. My class are reading and many of them are reading a lot. This is linked to our whole school reading challenge where the children are awarded stars when they have read for a certain number of times at home. Many of my year 6 are keen to fill their reading card and eager to tell me that they have read at home. That’s great and it’s lovely to see so many parents supporting this challenge.

However, where I feel that I have been less successful is in what they are reading. We have tried to encourage them to read more widely but many of my class are still reading the same types of books as they have been all through last year. Diary of a Wimpy Kid, David Walliams and Tom Gates are by far the most common books being read by my pupils.

Getting them to challenge themselves to read something different is proving to be quite difficult. At least two thirds of them are very reluctant to try anything new and will often give up after only a few pages.

This month’s initiative is to get more of them to have a go at reading non fiction. This was inspired by a photograph of a display on Twitter although sadly, I can’t remember who posted it. I am grateful for the inspiration from whoever it was. I am showing the class and reading extracts from a range of non fiction books throughout this month in the hope of inspiring them to try something different

Next month, I am going to have a focus on picture books. Again, this has been inspired by Twitter as I saw a post by @readingrocks about a book Advent Calendar. My aim is to have a different picture book to read to them for every day that we are at school in December. I want to show them that new and different books can be just as enjoyable if not more so than their current favourites.

A focus on Reading

It seems a long while since I dashed off my rant about the reading tests. Rereading it reminded me of how angry we all were after day 1 of this year’s Sats. When the results came in, reading had gone down as we had expected. So this year’s focus is on reading. Not reading to pass a test in May (although I hope that they will) but a focus on becoming readers who enjoy reading for its own sake and happily spend their time reading a wide range of books. I am very conscious this year that I didn’t really do enough to promote reading in the classroom which is ridiculous considering that I read at every available opportunity.

This decision was then reinforced by several discussions on Twitter as many other people have also been thinking and acting on this issue. I read many blog posts including those by @mrsPTeach  and @fod3 which really helped me to sort out my ideas.  James Clements’ report on Reading for Pleasure on the OUP website was very useful as well as the Herts for Learning blog. I have also begun reading The Book Whisperer by Doralyn Miller which has already inspired me to change some of what I do

My book corner display is initially based on Roald Dahl for his 100th birthday but gradually I want that to change so that the display board becomes a place for the children to read recommendations of books from their friends as well as information about new books that have been added to the book selection. Hopefully it will become a useful point of reference for the children rather than just being a static display.

roald dahl

I usually begin by getting the children to go and choose their books a table at a time in a nice orderly fashion. After reading the first chapter of The Book Whisperer, I am changing that and having a version of her ‘book frenzy’. I’m going to get all my book boxes out of the book corner and put them on the tables and have the entire class choosing at once. Hopefully this will generate some discussion and enthusiasm for reading on the first day.

Once a week, we’re also going to have DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read) when I will read as well. I’m going to be reading books out of my book corner that I haven’t read yet to hopefully provide a role model as well as enabling me to talk sensibly about what is actually on my classroom bookshelves. I have a list of books that I am going to work my way through.

I also want to try and read more extracts from books to generate interest among the children. We always have our class novel but I think that I need to give them a taste of a wider range of books than just the four or five that we manage to read during the year

Those are my initial ideas. None of them are my own, they are all borrowed from other people but I hope that they will help to generate enthusiasm and interest in books. The biggest thing is going to be my input though. My pupils will not develop enthusiasm if I don’t have it. I need to do a much better job at promoting reading and helping all of my Year 6 pupils find books that they can enjoy.

 

 

Reading Furore

What a morning! Today saw the first of this year’s Sats tests and to be honest, I wasn’t that worried. My pupils have made great progress with reading this year. Their enthusiasm and interest has grown and their understanding and ability to infer from a text has really developed. We have done the sample paper and not done too badly and done lots of other similar types of questions over the past few months.

My feeling of general optimism lasted for about 10 minutes after the test began. The texts looked all right, not too densely printed so that the pupils weren’t put off by huge amounts to read but then I began to look at the answer booklet.

How on earth can anyone seriously think that was a valid test of an entire cohort of Year 6 pupils? Many of the questions were pitched at a level well above the understanding of an average child and the language being tested was unrealistic. There seemed to be a lot less single mark questions that could be answered fairly straightforwardly too.

What really annoys me though is the damage that the government have done to my children’s feelings about reading. All year, I have encouraged them to read and introduced them to texts that they enjoy. I have worked hard to get them to view reading as something enjoyable that they are all good at.

That has been totally destroyed for many of my children this morning. Reading will now become something that they have failed at and the memory of their struggle and upset will overshadow the pleasure that they found earlier during this year.

Nicky Morgan and Nick Gibb should be ashamed of themselves for presiding over such an unsuitable test for assessing the reading ability of 10 and 11 year olds. There has to be a better way and it needs to be found before next May.

 

Daily pictures in March

March was quite a difficult month to try and take a photo everyday. I’m not sure why especially since it seemed to be getting easier in February. Part of the difficulty was due to workload and not really having anything noticeable to take photos of. School exercise books aren’t especially photogenic although they do feature on a couple of photos.

I have found that I have been noticing the light a lot more. I can really see why the impressionists such as Monet loved to paint the same subject at different times. The light makes such a lot of difference. A lot of my photos feature sunlight and reflections.

Here are some of my favourites from last month. The whole collection is on Flickr

https://www.flickr.com/photos/138942551@N05/albums/with/72157665295344672

Anyone who does look at the whole month will notice that I am a photo short. I know that I did take at least one photograph everyday but Mar 15th seems to have disappeared completely.

Mar 11th
Cobweb on the school gate at 7:15am
Mar 28th Watermead Park
Clouds through branches at Watermead Park

Hidden Swing

I love this photo of my children’s old swing seen through the trees at the bottom of the garden.

Mar 19th

This is my saddest picture of the year so far. It’s the last picture of our beautiful tabby cat Charlie. She was 14 and died later that morning. It was two weeks ago but I still expect to see her everyday.